sex

Threesome – Maybe

Here’s the bad news: Based on my track record, I don’t know how to have a successful long-term relationship.

Here’s the good news: Apparently no one else does either!

Sure we all know those super annoying couples who, on the surface, seem to have gotten it right. They hold hands at unnecessary times, laugh at each other’s jokes, overshare on future “togetherness” plans. Uh huh.

Here’s what I know: More often than not, all it takes is one too many Cosmos at a Canvas and Cocktails night with the girls, and the ugly truth is coming out.

“I’m not happy.”

“I can’t stand him anymore.”

“The sex is awful.”

“Can anyone recommend a good vibrator?”

That’s right..don’t let that “we’ve figured it out!” bullshit make you feel like a degenerate. Most of us suck at relationships.

After many expensive hours with my therapist, I think I’ve boiled my relationship problems down to boredom. I always start out trying to be a good, faithful partner but after a while that gets fucking boring – and when you get bored, you start looking around for something else to excite you….

Two years ago I got out of a long term relationship and while I’m happy I left, the sting of failure still follows me. I want to avoid the pitfalls that ended what should have been a great, long-lasting partnership.

I’ve been seeing a guy for a while who’s also out of a long-term relationship and we talk a lot about being different and not conforming to society’s views. I’m not bored with him yet – and I don’t think he’s bored with me – so I’ve been thinking a lot about how to keep things fresh. I think it’s time to play offense. We should have a threesome. Maybe.

This is kind of a big deal for me. Sure, I’ve had the playful drunk makeout with my BFF, but what I’m talking about is quite a bit, er.. deeper. What I’m talking about is bringing another girl into the bedroom with my boyfriend – on purpose.

Am I insane? Maybe not.

I’ve never had sex with a girl. Not because I have a problem with it, because I REALLY like men. Girls don’t turn me on in the same way a guy does, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get into it. Girls are soft, tend to be nurturing and caring. I might really like it.

Naturally I’ve consulted trusted girlfriends on the subject and the overriding fears of most girls stem from jealousy and insecurity – two emotions I am well acquainted with. Watching my guy rail some other girl isn’t one of my favorite fantasies – so why would I even consider doing this?

My answer is, why not? What I’ve tried in past relationships has failed miserably and in the end, what are we really talking about here? We’re talking about sex. A physical act that brings physical and emotional pleasure. I like getting this pleasure from my boyfriend. I also like getting it from my vibrator. My point is, sex doesn’t always have to be a deep spiritual act. When things are right, it definitely can be, but sometimes it can also just be about having an orgasm and feeling good.

Is it going to be hard to watch another girl pleasure my guy? Probably. But I’m not the only girl he’s ever been with. I already know he’s had orgasms with other girls and anyways, this isn’t all about him. She better be all over me too. I plan on squeezing every ounce of fun, excitement, and pleasure out of this experience and in the end I hope that’s what this will be for me and my boyfriend. An experience. Some crazy thing we shared together and can reminisce about, something that breaks that boredom and catapults us into some highly evolved relationship state.

Ok – that might not happen but at least on those one-too-many Cosmo nights, I have the best story.

Stay tuned…

2 Responses

  1. Interesting post dirtygirl. Looking back I wish every failed relationship started with a threesome. Relationships that end after living the status quo should make anyone think… what if it was tested early on? At the least (or best) it may propel us into a more interesting partner post breakup. It’s just sex people! Sex happens. If your relationship fails because of a threesome, just look at it as if you gained future wasteful years back and were blessed with a graceful exit. My club quest for the perfect threesome continues. I promise I won’t shed a tear if either of the girls breaks up with me the next morning 🙂

  2. […] At least in my circle, the prevailing reason revolves around boredom and poor choices. Most of them got married pretty young and hadn’t had a lot of sexual experiences. If you play by society’s rules you could potentially be locked into having sex with the same person for 60+ years! (See Threesome – Maybe) […]

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